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Wowzer

Oh wow, I think this is the first time in many many years I have actually been happy with the way my blog looks. Go me.

So I’m back. Life has changed, unsurprisingly. I’m now the proud(?) owner of an MSc.  However, my brain finally stopped being able to cope with stuff again last week and my GAD has reared its head again. Cue med dose increase and fabulous(!) side effects.  Writing here does help me cope with stuff though as it helps to fend off the brain spirals but these days it seems like even the CBT I had many years ago doesn’t do anything as I react to stuff so quickly. It’s quite embarrassing to cry in the middle of an open plan office but the folk who sit around me are very understanding.  Doesn’t stop me worrying about it of course.  I’m also constantly tired these days, I suspect it’s because I’m trying to keep myself positive constantly as well as balance life in general.

One of my colleagues told me that they can see my brain is always on the go so I’m trying to start meditating again with the Headspace app. I’m going through the basic stuff but they’ve rejigged it to have “SOS” sessions so I think I might need them on standby when I go back to work. I’m also experimenting with the sleep “mini”.  If I can get into a routine of meditating to slow my brain down every day it has got to help, surely?

Last night I randomly got on to reading about GAD and how the brain of a person who suffers with it is “wired”. Studies by the University of Wisconsin-Madison and Stanford School of Medicine both point to dodgy connections between the amygdala and other parts of the brain.  Not sure if that made me feel any better about it, to be honest. I’ve always known that my depression and anxiety issues are rooted in how my brain is structured but reading it somehow makes me feel even more “damaged” (especially seeing as I decided to look up my type of epilepsy and night seizures too).  So maybe don’t follow those links if you are having a bad day with your mental health.

Ooft, this hasn’t been a particularly upbeat post has it? At least it’s not about politics, I suspect that would have just had made me feel even worse right now as I would have ended up ranting.  I wouldn’t be saying anything that someone else hasn’t already said anyway…

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